is this her life?

The ironic thing is, I think pop music is past the stuff Taylor Swift is a reaction to. We’re not really being subjected to the hypocritical virgin/madonna antics of Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Mandy Moore, and their ilk peddling Lolita-Sex for sex’s sake but disguised in pastels.

Instead, awards shows this year featured gifted, evolving performers like Pink, Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, Rihanna and Janet Jackson; women who are more than hymens or fairy tales. Women for whom sex isn’t something you just throw into the crowd like candy — it’s something strong and eternal and tenacious and really quite inspiring.

If I ever get my life together enough to reproduce other life forms, they will not be joining Taylor Nation – they will be brave, creative, inventive, envelope-pushing little monsters who will find a pretty, skinny blonde girl in a white peasant shirt strolling through nature-themed screensaver-esque fantasylands singing about how “when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you’re gonna believe them” not only sappy, but also insulting to their inevitable brilliance.

I don’t want my unborn grandchildren to listen to the story of how Taylor Swift won a Grammy she hadn’t earned. I want them to set pianos on fire.

Let’s address the age issue; as SwiftNation is often celebrated as some kind of child prodigy. Twenty isn’t young and her talent, while exceptional, is not unheard of. Grammys have gone to Adele (21), Christina Aguilera (20 in ‘00), LeAnn Rimes (16 in ‘97), Mariah Carey (21 in ‘90) and Alicia Keys (20 in ‘02), among others. Until there’s evidence Swift can sing live, she’s not uniquely qualified as a musician.

Why does Swift seem, at 20, a decade younger than Lady Gaga? Cause Swift’s package is “Purity Sue Ingenue”: eternally childlike, obedient and one-dimensional. Mothers love this package, and teenage girls are hypnotized by her simple songs & pretty hair & propensity for crying on her instruments.

Listen up! When Beyoncè was Swift’s age, she was onstage with Destiny’s Child, proclaiming: “The house I live in / I’ve bought it / The car I’m driving / I’ve bought it / All the women who are independent / Throw your hands up at me!”

It goes without saying — because, of course, no one wants to say it — that Swift was able to succeed so early cause her family was both supportive & wealthy enough to enable her ambitions. Swift had dreams, she chased em, and she got em; all before puberty! That’s not a Cinderella story, that’s more or less the most awesome childhood of all time.

So let’s stop judging her work on children’s terms and excusing that giggly self-absorption as a folly of youth. It’s annoying.

Never was this bunnyrabbitchild persona more exploited than it was after the VMAs. If Kanye had snatched that mike from Lady Gaga, she would’ve snatched it right back, called Kanye an asshole (he is), admitted he was right (he was), and the whole thing would’ve been done and DONE. She certainly wouldn’t have needed — or wanted — the entire country’s fawning faux-sympathy for months afterward.

Taylor had another chance at the VMAs end to prove her maturity by thanking and honoring Beyoncé for calling her back up to speak. But no, she was just like, “A’ight my turn!”

Role models aren’t suspended children, trapped by projections and unable to grow until affirmed by an idealized male partner. Role models grow and change and challenge themselves and are rewarded for exceptionalism, not potential. Independently.

You’re talking to me about stuff, why?
I’d rather see your titties,
Now you’re talking to me about other stuff, why?
I’d much rather see your titties.

I can’t have sex with your personality,
And I can’t put my penis in your college degree,
And I can’t shove my fist in your childhood dreams,
So why’re you sharing all this information with me?